Negotiating To Resolve Conflict

Very often, conflict develops over simple failures to communicate in ways that are clear and honest. Any relationship – professional or personal – involves individuals with unique needs, aspirations, expectations and assumptions. When these are not well known or understood by all parties involved, the resulting disappointments and frustrations can produce conflict and friction. In Negotiating to Resolve Conflict, we train you in the use of simple yet powerful communication and listening tools that can help to identify the source of those bruised feeling and unmet needs. Sometimes resolving conflict is only a matter of responding with understanding instead of reacting defensively.

How to Negotiate

Research shows that women pay, on average, 46.5 percent more for goods and services than men do. Whether you're buying a car or trying to prevent a salesman from emptying your wallet, try using Dr. Phil's negotiating tips to get what you want at the right price.

Start with a pre-negotiation phase by claiming the right to negotiate. "Negotiation really begins before you even engage the seller or the other partner," explains Dr. Phil. Step number one is making the decision that you have the right to negotiate and that you are worth standing up for yourself, getting the best price, and not being taken advantage of. Claim that right, and know that you're not doing something wrong if you do.

Get over your dislike of negotiating.
You don't need to like it; you just need to understand that's how the world often works. You're not browbeating or grinding someone down; you're simply playing the game that the system is set up for. Dr. Phil reiterates, "In this world, you get what you ask for." Don't be bashful. You're worth it.

Open the negotiation.
Dr. Phil offers these lines as suggestions:

"I'm absolutely not a buyer at that price." That's a clear signal to the salesman that you're ready to walk unless you can find a common ground.

"You need to help me here. I want to do this deal, but I can't at this price."

"Let's talk about how to make this more affordable." Then, you can stroke the salesperson by saying, "I really like what you have, but ..."

"I'd love to do business with you." Follow up by explaining that you're serious about making the purchase, but you need the numbers to work.

Collaborate to meet both ends, making it a win/win situation. "My definition of negotiation is that it should be not a confrontation, but a collaboration," explains Dr. Phil. "My first rule of negotiation that I try to adhere to is figuring out how to get the other person as much of what they want ... because the more I get them of what they want, the more I'm likely to get what I want."

Don't take it personally.
Buying a car is not the same as looking for a date. When the transaction is over, the salesperson moves on to his or her next customer. You need not be concerned about whether he thinks you're cute, sweet or funny. Also, don't think there's something wrong with you if the salesperson isn't giving you what you want. "People don't just fork it over," says Dr. Phil.

Educate yourself.
Do your homework. Know what you're talking about before you get there so you can make informed decisions. Get on the Internet and do research. Do comparative shopping. Buy a magazine that has information about the product. Don't say "I don't have time for that." It takes 15-20 minutes.

Have a plan and be willing to ask questions.
There's a price the seller needs to get. They're not going to give you an indication of what that price is unless you ask a lot of questions. Challenge everything.

Don't ever bluff.
If your attitude when asking for a raise is that you need to be paid fairly and you won't settle for less, then mean it. (But that doesn't mean you have to be ready to walk right then and there.)

Don't be emotional.
You don't need it "now," and you don't "just have to have it." Don't "fall in love" with anything, and don't say that out loud to the salesperson. You also need not worry about the seller's children and job security if you get a good deal.

Never pay full price.
When buying a car, the asking price is what's referred to as "stupid price." You're not expected to pay that. Know that the salesman has latitude, and he expects to be asked about a lower price.

Don't believe what's written down.
If a sign says "Not responsible for lost or stolen items," and your car is stolen, it doesn't mean you should walk away and suck up the loss. In fact, says Dr. Phil, the sign "doesn't mean squat!" You need to ask relevant questions, about lighting and security for example, before considering yourself defeated.

Dr. Phil McGraw

"Everyone can be a winner through Negotiation"

Negotiation Skills Quote
"To succeed in life in today's world, you must have the will and tenacity to finish the job."
Chin-Ning Chu

Negotiation Training Suggested Reading

Bargaining for Advantage : Negotiation Strategies for Reasonable People.
by G. Richard Shell. Paperback (June 5, 2000)

Bargaining for Advantage : Negotiation Strategies for Reasonable People
by G. Richard Shell. Hardcover (June 1999)

The Art and Science of Negotiation by Howard Raiffa
Paperback (March 1985)

How to Outnegotiate Anyone (Even a Car Dealer!)
by Leo Reilly Paperback (October 1993)

Getting to Yes : Negotiating Agreement Without Giving in
by Roger Fisher, et al. Paperback (December 1991)

Getting Ready to Negotiate : The Getting to Yes Workbook.
by Roger Fisher, Danny Ertel(Contributor). Paperback (August 1995)

Essential Managers: Negotiating Skills
by Tim Hindle, Robert Heller. Paperback (April 1999)

The Prenegotiation Planning Book
by William F. Morrison. Hardcover (March 1992)

Negotiation from Strength
by Coral Bell. Hardcover (May 1977)

On the Manner of Negotiating with Princes: From Sovereigns to CEOs, Envoys to Executives -- Classic Principles of Diplomacy and the Art of Negotiation
by Francois, Monsieur De Callieres, et al. Hardcover (May 30, 2000)

Getting Past No : Negotiating Your Way from Confrontation to Cooperation
by William Ury. Paperback (February 1993)

Beyond Machiavelli : Tools for Coping With Conflict
by Roger Fisher, et al. Hardcover (April 1994)

Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most
by Douglas Stone, et al. Paperback (April 3, 2000)